EYE OF THE BEHOLDER ...

“Beauty... when you look into a woman's eyes and see what is in her heart.”  ~Nate Dircks

What is beauty and how is it defined? Is it tangible or elusive? Is beauty truly in the eye of the beholder or in the heart and mind of its’ beheld?  Or, is it merely a construct created by a society that places value on an outward, and often unrealistic ideal, rather than an inward, and often complex reality? Perhaps it’s all of those things. My question is what makes a woman beautiful? What makes her attractive?

Choices: Zebra ... I do not own this picture; it is
the property of it's creator.

As a woman, as an actress, and as a brown-skinned girl this is a question I have struggled with for years, in part due to the fact that at an early age I had come to the subconscious conclusion that my self-worth was contingent upon my physical appearance. Silly as it may sound, I know that I am not alone.

The truth is that we live in a male dominated and heavily Eurocentric society whereby beauty is still defined in terms of White is right, and very little emphasis is placed one’s inner beauty and intellectual capacity. Though we as a society have progressed and are still making strides towards true acceptance, at least vocally anyway, the ideal of the classic/ traditional standard of beauty remains. We see it everywhere, everyday: In magazines, on billboards, commercials, music videos, television, and movies.

We are all different and beautiful in our own ways; the problem is that when you are constantly bombarded with images of what beauty should be, it’s hard to see beauty for what it is. Talking strictly in terms of physicality, beauty is still defined as having white, light, or fair skin complexion, light colored eyes and hair, a thin nose, and large breasts on a popsicle figure.  And with the obvious exceptions, the only time “ethnic/ exotic” features are considered desirable is when they are on something that looks white, i.e: curves (Marilyn Monroe), cornrows (Bo Derik), a backside (J.Lo) bronzed skin (every white woman with a tan), full lips (Angelina Jolie), etc. However, the very same features we’ve possessed since time immemorial become somehow less desirable on us, at least in the eyes of pop culture. We are all victims to the system, even the most confident among us.

I believe I live this example. I am certainly guilty of it, on more than one level, measuring my self-worth in terms of whether or not I fit into this unattainable ideal and initially writing off those who themselves did not. But as I got to know an individual, they would transform – almost literally.  “Attractive” people became less attractive, and “unattractive” people became more attractive simply because of who they were. I too began to see my own true beauty.

I have learned and I am still learning to accept those things about me that I cannot change and embrace everything else, including my “flaws” … I don’t fit any mold, except for the one God created specifically for me. My “flaws” make me beautiful, and my beauty is unique to only me. I am strong, compassionate, intelligent, and funny … For true beauty is the measure of the heart. Looks will come and go, they are as transient and inconsistent as the latest trend, and mean only as much as the weight you place on them.  

It is true that “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”; it is also important to note that true beauty is more than skin deep.  It can be easy to forget this when you are a member of a society that places so much value on what you look like, as opposed to who you are. However, it is important that we not forget, that at the end of the day, who we are inside is and will always remain the true measure of beauty.


- Anubian