One Day At A Time

It's been a pretty rough couple weeks for me. Some days are easier than others, and at times I think I've finally gotten beyond the pain. It's funny how things hit you, one moment you're fine, the next you can't stop crying and you don't even know why or what triggered it. Yesterday was one of those moments for me. 


I constantly tell myself and others that I'm doing fine, I'm getting beyond it. And the truth is - I believe it. In the moment - it's true. Then yesterday happens, and I realize that I haven't gotten over it. I realize that I'm not Ok and I end up more upset at myself for still grieving something that I should be over by now. 


However, as difficult as this period in my life has been, it's taught me something about myself. Somethings I've always known, and something else I never did. I think the problem I've been having is that I've been mistaking my lack of tears for strength, and in turn misreading my own strength for being Ok. I am still grieving a great loss ... one that was six years in the making. And though my rational mind understands that I am still healing, and healing takes time - my emotional mind can't handle it and often tries to bury the pain, rather mask it in a veil of strength.


But in spite of it all - I know now more than ever that I am an incredibly strong person. I am under no uncertain terms a fighter. An optimist at heart. A romantic who still believes in happy endings. My spirituality and faith in what's right and true and destined 'to be' have kept me optimistic about what 'will be', even in the face of uncertainty. I often say " Let go, set it free. What's meant for me, will be".  I know that as difficult as this time is right now, it will get easier, it will get better. I just have to remember to be easier on myself, it's ok to cry, it's ok to grieve - just take it one day at a time.






-Anubian