New Beginnings

Today marks the first official launch of the Anubis Angel Blog. Today also marks the one week anniversary of my move to Los Angeles. So, what do I think of it so far? Well, the weather is amazing; they say it never rains in Southern California, and I suppose that may be true. However, just because I'm not wet, doesn't mean I haven't been through the storm. In fact, I'm still in the eye of it, though it didn't start when I landed.

Nearly the last two months have been the most trying of my life so far. I honestly think I've cried more since turning twenty five than I have in the twenty four years that came before it. I have always prided myself on being a strong person, a good daughter, sister, and friend, but in the days and weeks leading up to my move I was faced with daily revelations about myself and the people I held most dear. Revelations that would question everything: even my own self worth, my reason for being.

The poems that proceeded this post were written in an attempt to express and let go of what I was feeling in the moment. But even I, the writerist that I am, can't numb the pain of rejection with mere words, nor can I pretend to be ok when my heart is aching, when I am overcome with fear and anxiety and the only shoulder I have is 3000 miles in the opposite direction. Words mean nothing without action, though they hold tremendous weight.

You can speak things into existence: success, failure, happiness, misery .... love. Something I though I had only to find out when I needed it most, that I never did. The fear at twenty five years old - that I never will. I allowed words to give me a sense of security I never had, and chose to ignore the lack of any action that came with them. I manipulate words for a living, they are powerful, they can give life and take life, but they mean nothing without action.

Anubian

I came to California not because I was trying to get away from something, nor did I come in search of anything in particular. I came here to succeed, and though I am under no delusions as to the the trials and tribulations that lay ahead, I understand that they are all apart of the journey. I had hoped to shared this path with the one I loved, but alas, life doesn't always work out as we had hoped. If I am meant to travel this road alone, I will.

Greatness awaits me, that much I know. Heartbreak is inevitable and failure is apart of life, but I have learned  a valuable lesson in these past few weeks. Tears can make you stronger. They've certainly made me stronger. My strength is not defined by how many hits I can take without flinching, but how hard I hit back. And trust, I will be doing a lot more hitting. There is a whole world out there waiting for me. They've been waiting since the announcement of my birth twenty five years ago; a proclamation that was heard all throughout the tri-state area. There is a reason I was placed on this Earth, there is a reason I'm still here, a little bruised but still standing - the time has come to fulfill my destiny. My journey to this place is personal, it is the next chapter of my story. This my fresh start. My new beginning. It is time to truly put words into action - pen to page, page to stage.